Sunscreen and chapstick

There have been a lot of hard parts of parenting.


That difficult first year filled with sleepless nights and days filled with crying babies, messy houses, limited showers, and way too many bodily fluids.


The terrible twos which lead to the tumultuous threes and the fearful fours.


Elementary school years with the frustrations of learning to read, do basic math, and navigate the mean kids at recess.


Middle school. Really, do I need to say more there?


And the high school years filled with teenage angst, betrayal of friends, love interests that didn’t work out, the stress of increasingly difficult classes, college applications, learning to drive, and learning to let them make decisions, and mistakes, on their own.


And yet as hard as those years were in so many ways, this part of parenting, the part where you have to let go? In many ways it’s been the hardest parenting season of all.  


And at the same time, it’s been the most rewarding.


As we count down the days to Aaron going back to Rice for his second year, all of my feelings are more pronounced. I am so excited to see what this next year brings. The maturity that he will gain, the things that he will learn, the friends that he will make, the experiences that he will have.


He had an amazing freshman year and in so many ways he surprised us at how much he grew and developed socially. He learned an entirely new infusion protocol, and when he had difficulty with self-administration, he had the courage to ask his friends for help. He had some difficult times that we didn’t find out about until late in the process, but as sad as I am that he navigated that difficulty alone, I was so proud to see that he took all the steps I would have advised him to have taken. He surrounded himself with the support that he needed, and the people that he needed, and the advice he needed, and he made the right decisions in the right way for the right reasons.


It’s a little humbling when you realize that your child can do hard things without you. But isn’t that exactly what we raise them for and precisely what we want for them?


As we prepare to send Aaron back to school this second year, the grief is lessened and the tears fewer than this time last year. While I still worry, I know that he will be okay. He’s proven that over this past year. While I will miss him, I know that his life is in Houston now, and I’m grateful for the time we’ve had together these past months.


As I prepare to send Aaron off to school again, I can’t help but think of my friends who are navigating this road for the first time.


I have spent the last few months watching the emotions of many of them as they get ready to send their babies off to school for the first time and my heart is full for them, because I know so many of the things that are in their hearts and on their minds.


And so my words of advice are these: it’s going to be okay mom and dad. You’re going to be sad and that’s okay. Sometimes your babies are going to be sad and they are going to be lonely and that’s okay. They are going to get stressed, and get sick, and not take care of themselves the way they should and that’s okay. They aren’t going to eat right and they aren’t going to sleep enough and that’s okay. They are going to cry at times and you are too and that’s okay.


This is part of their hero’s journey. And as much as you want to run behind them with that sunscreen and that lip balm, you can’t. And you shouldn’t. Sometimes their skin has to burn and their lips have to get chapped so that they learn to protect themselves the way they should. And that’s okay.

They are going to be okay.


And so are you.


Whether it feels that way right now or not.


You have to release them.


It’s disrespectful not to.