Why I Speak

I sat in a room in a church building the week before last with 22 other adults, both queer and allies, and marveled that in just six months, a group that started out with 8 of us making plans of how to form what is essentially a grown up version of a gay straight alliance has grown to be a group that has touched so many, has formed so many close and supportive relationships, has formed an incredible support group for our youth queer and allies, and is becoming the training ground for at least one if not two groups like it in other geographical areas.

We talked about our upcoming Ally training, the second we will host in just six months time. We talked about how we can serve as allies for each other, wherever we may be on the gender and sexuality spectrum. 

We talked about the struggles and questions and joys that we are experiencing in our lives, and for those of us who are parents of queer children, in the lives of our children.

I listened as queer adult after queer adult spoke of how even now some of their parents don’t fully support them. Of how grateful they were that they didn’t come out to their families as teenagers because they would have never gotten the support they needed at the time in life when they needed it the most. I wanted to mother and love every one of those adults in the way that they deserved to be mothered and loved, no matter their age or stage of life.

I sat there in absolute gratitude that I am part of a church that not only supports these amazing people but supports me in supporting my child.

I spent time this past Saturday night with a group of queer youth and adults and their ally families and friends as we ate together, swam together, laughed together, and loved one another, and spoke of things that most adults are hesitant to speak about with teenagers but which most teenagers so desperately need to know, but don’t have safe adults whom they can ask.

There are times that I wonder if I am too vocal in my support of LGBTQ+ rights. Times that I worry I may make people uncomfortable in my beliefs. I know for certain that I have made people question what they have always believed about God because what I believe and speak out about is so different than what they grew up believing. I pray that my beliefs never drive someone away from God but rather lead people to question for themselves who God is, and in that questioning, draw closer to the God who made them and loves them and is their biggest fan in this life.  

There are times I wonder if, as I continue to write and vocalize my strong beliefs, I will lose friends who do not agree with those beliefs, and as sad as that possibility makes me, I recognize that if I do, I do. That I must continue to speak my truth and accept that some friendships last for a season, and some for a lifetime, and it may be that sometimes people have to leave our lives to make room for new ones who need to come in.

Whenever I question whether I am making the right choice in my decision to be so vocal in my support of my queer child, I look at that queer child and I marvel at how confident he is in who he is, in how deeply he is loved, and in how perfectly created he was by God in all of who he is. And how that confidence allows him to love others so deeply, whether they support who he is or not.

Whenever I question whether I am making the right choice in my decision to be so vocal in my support of my queer friends, I look at those queer friends and I marvel at all that I have learned from them over these past months about love, commitment, forgiveness, and grace. And I am so very grateful to have each and every one of them in my life because they have made it so much richer just by being who God made them to be.

There is much I do not know about God. Much I will never know until I am at last standing face to face in God’s presence. But what I do know is this. God’s greatest commandments were to love God and to love each other. And if I make people uncomfortable in my pursuit of being obedient to those commandments, then I will gladly stand before God on my judgment day and answer to those actions. Because I believe the Jesus I know will be standing right beside me saying, “me too.”