Promises in the sky

Today was my first day back to work after a week off for doctor visits and vacation. It’s rare for me to take an entire week off where I truly disconnect from work, from email, from checking in, from staffing cases. This was one of those rare times where I for the most part did that, at least for a few days. But the truth is, the escape from work was interrupted on Tuesday afternoon, right before our ship left the port, by news of a decision made on the difficult trial I was involved in earlier this month. The ruling that was made wasn’t one that I had hoped for, or one that I agreed with, and is one that I worried a great deal about, and for quite a while after finding out the result, it was all I could do to hold it together instead of falling apart in front of my kids.

As hard as I tried to set down my worry and my angst, it kept coming back to me the rest of that afternoon and evening.

And then the following morning, as I stepped out on the balcony of our room with my coffee, I saw the brightest of the rainbows pictured here. And I soon realized it was not one rainbow but two. As I looked at the rainbows before me, I remembered God’s promise to Noah. 

And I remembered the moments spent at the beginning of one of the difficult days of the trial. Moments holding hands with my caseworker, tears streaming from both our eyes, my voice choked with tears as I prayed to God the following words: “Gracious God, you know our hearts, and you know the needs of these children. And God, we know that as much as we love these children, you love them that much more. And that as you hold us today, you hold them as well.” 

And seeing the rainbows before me, one for each of these precious babies, I knew without doubt that while I did not understand the decisions made for these children, that God had a plan for their lives bigger than any that any of us who care for them could ever imagine. And knowing that could allow me to let go of my fear and my worry and my questions of what I could have done better or differently.

I know that regardless of the outcome of the trial, God holds these precious children and God holds each of us. Each and every day. Even on those days where we think we are all alone. And some days, when we really need it, God sends a reminder of that promise. Made to us again, each and every morning.