Loving people well

I was talking to a colleague and friend the other day and she was relaying a story where a foster father was describing what he wanted for some children who had been through things no children should ever have to go through, and were struggling with those things. The foster father said, “I just want them to love Jesus.” And my colleague, who loves Jesus herself but who understands the effects that trauma can have, looked at him and said, “They may not.”

There are so many people in this world who have been hurt by the things that other people have done to them, the things other people have said to them, what churches have represented to them, the way the church and society have judged and condemned them, that as much as we may want them to love Jesus, they may not.

We use the phrase “loving people well” often in our church. It’s the goal really. Not just to love people on a theoretical or aerial basis but to really love them well. To meet them where they are. To meet the needs that they have, even the ones that are boring, basic, won’t bring attention to us, or are messy, inconvenient, painful, scary, or hard. To get all up into people’s space because they need it, even when they aren’t able to tell you that they want it. That’s what it is to love people well.

Part of loving people well is recognizing that you aren’t going to be able to love them “well” in the healing sense. That’s not actually our job, but God’s. God can use people to help us to heal. I have experienced that in my own life. But as much as I love those people for their part in my healing, I recognize that the healing comes not from them, but from God. They recognize that as well.

But often, we think that we ourselves have the power to heal people. That we have the power to fix the things that are broken. That if we just love them enough, nothing else matters.

While I wish that were true, I know that it is not.

Some damage is just too severe. Some wounds runs too deep. Some hurt started too early. Some voices won’t be silenced.

There are some things that people cannot fix, no matter how much they want to, or how much they love someone.

Only God can do that.

But maybe sometimes God doesn’t fix those things for a reason.

In small group and in the sermon yesterday, we studied Luke 6:20-26, also known as the Beatitudes. Verses 20-21 read as follows: Blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God. Blessed are you who are hungry now, for you will be filled. Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh.

It strikes me that it doesn’t say Blessed are you who are poor until I give you wealth. It says blessed are you who are poor, for yours is the kingdom of God.

It doesn’t say Blessed are you who are hungry now until I feed you. It says for you will be filled. Maybe it isn’t talking about food at all.

It doesn’t say Blessed are you who weep now, for your tears will be wiped away and your sorrow eased. It says Blessed are you who weep now, for you will laugh.

God doesn’t promise to take away the poverty, the hunger, or the tears. God promises that amidst those things, God is with us. Amidst that bad, there will be good. Because it is often when we are poor, or hungry, or weeping, that we feel God’s presence the most.

It is often when we are poor, or hungry, or weeping, when we feel God’s presence the most, that we most feel the need and desire to serve others who may be going through the same.

It is often through our hurt and through our pain that we are the biggest blessing to others.

So as much as we may want to love people well, we should stop trying to love them “well”.

As much as we want people to just love Jesus, we should stop trying to push that on them, and understand that they may not. That Jesus will always love them, but that only God can work the miracle in their life that will cause them to be able to return that love as we might want. And ultimately, that’s God’s work to do, and not ours.

When asked the greatest commandment, Jesus answered “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the greatest and first commandment” He went on to add, without being asked, “And a second is like it. You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” Matthew 22:37-39

That’s what we are commanded to do. 

To love God.

To love others.

Not to fix what we see as broken.

Not to make others love Jesus the way we think they should.

Not to love people “well”.

But to love them well.

Even when it’s messy or inconvenient or scary or hard.

And to let God do the mending.