Uniquely Me

The message this past Sunday was one about spiritual gifts and the idea of discovering who you are, and using the gifts that God has given you in the way that only you can. In our small group before the service, we spent time talking about spiritual gifts and our leader (Hi Johnny!) asked us to name not our spiritual gifts but those of our spouse, and they of us. Four of the women, myself included, talked about how our husbands are helpers. I thought that was interesting, because that’s not necessarily a trait that you think of when you think of society’s expectations of men and who they are and how they should act. 

It got me to thinking about how there are so many expectations in society, and often in the church, that tell men and women who and how they are supposed to be and who and how they are not. It got me to thinking about how much that mindset can limit us from living fully into whom God created us to be for fear of judgement or condemnation for not fitting into the norm of who we “should” be.

I’ve always felt that in many ways, as a woman, I was both too much and not enough.  Too smart, too ambitious, too outspoken, too blunt, too likely to cuss or drink. Not nurturing enough, not selfless enough, not demure enough, not caring enough. The list goes on. 

I’ve always been more comfortable in a group of professional men than in a group of stay at home moms. That’s just always been who I am, and I’ve wondered at times why that is and what feminine and maternal component of my personality was missing to make me that way.

Part of the reason that I’ve felt that way most of my life is the message that I’ve heard over and over again that women shouldn’t try so hard to be like men. They should live into being the woman that God created them to be, with those unique qualities that God gave them as women. 

After 50 years of living, I don’t accept that anymore. Why can’t I just be the person that God created me to be? With those unique qualities that God gave to me as that person, regardless of my gender. Why can’t I just embrace who I am without feeling like I’m too much, or not enough, because society tells me if I don’t act a certain way based on my gender that I’m trying to be something I’m not? Maybe I should quit trying to be who and what others think I should be and just just try to be who I am. Who God created me to be. 

Maybe that’s what we should all just try to do.

As parents, Mike and I each have our strengths. When we have a child who is sick, I’m the best person to take them to the doctor because I ask all the right questions and remember all the important information and do all the pertinent research to know how to make all the right decisions. But when it comes to caretaking for that sick child, Mike is just better. He’s more natural at nurturing than I am. When the kids were little, it wasn’t mom they woke up in the middle of the night when they needed something, but dad. When we go see Aaron or take him back to school after a holiday, it’s Mike who has thought to buy all the things that he will need. He’s just better at seeing and taking care of those needs. When there’s help needed with editing essays or filling out financial aid forms, or making decisions about books to buy and classes to take, I’m the go to. We each have things we do better than the other. And that’s okay. That’s how it should be. But if we tried to do the things that we “should” do, based on gender expectations, we would both end up being frustrated and our kids would be worse off. 

Why can’t we just take that position in all our roles in life? 

Do what you’re good at. 

Be who you are. 

Don’t worry about what other people think. Don’t worry about whether people think you’re trying to act like a man, or a woman, or a dog for that matter. 

You do you the best way you can. 

Live into who God made you to be. 

God made each of us in a unique way, with the gifts and the abilities to be the unique person God would have us be to accomplish the unique things God would have us accomplish. I don’t think God intended for us to be limited by any gender based parameters that society or the church place on us.

So I’m just going to be over here living my life.  Being who God says I am. Speaking up when I see that things aren’t as I think they should be. Being the unique person that God created me to be, living into the unique call that God has given to me, meeting the unique need that God placed within me the burning desire to meet.  

All of me.  

The parts that some think are too much. 

The parts that some think are not enough. 

All of it perfectly within God’s plan and God’s purpose.

Fearfully and wonderfully made, and uniquely me.