Being real with God

The sermon this morning was in part about being honest and real with God. Hearing that today after seeing this quote yesterday made me realize God was trying to make a point. God is good at that, I find. 

I have learned much in these last few months about being honest and real with other people. About being vulnerable by being transparent, and open, and honest, about both my joys and my struggles. This has been a blessing for some of you and made others of you very uncomfortable. Both reactions are understandable and okay. 

I have also learned a lesson  even more important than being vulnerable in my honesty and openness with other people. I have learned  so much about the sacredness of being vulnerable in my honesty and openness with God. 

In the past few months of working through deep layers of unresolved pain, grief, abuse, and shame, I have learned what it is to be honest and real with God.  And in that realness, I have been angry. So very angry at times. 

I have raged at God in the past 7 months more than at any previous time in my life. And you know what I have learned? God is big enough to handle all my rage. All my questions. All my fears. All my doubts. God is big enough to handle it all. 

And contrary to what I have always thought, God isn’t angered by those feelings. God’s reaction hasn’t been to smite me for my doubts. It hasn’t been to turn away from my anger. It’s been to pull me close. To hold me tight. To heal my wounds, settle my questioning spirit, comfort me in my fear, and ease my doubts. 

In my courage to be real with God, God has shown himself to be more real to me than at any other time in my life. 

We were asked in small group this morning if, as we learned more about God, we felt we knew more about God or less. The consensus was that the more we learn about God, the more we realize how much we don’t know. 

What a privilege it will be to spend the rest of my life learning more. Wrestling more. Wondering more. Loving more. 

What a privilege it is to be known by the God of the universe. Really known. To be cherished as a beloved child. What a privilege it is to be able to go to God in a real and authentic way in both the good times and the bad. And to know that God will walk with us through it all. 

And what a gift it is to be able to give that gift of love to others as it has been given to us. 

As we approach the season of Thanksgiving, I am so thankful that I serve a God who is real. And who wants me to be the same. With him and with others.