Making honest things

This quote showed up on my Pinterest feed today and fit exactly where I feel I am right now. Exactly who I feel I am right now. 

I pray to always be honest in who I am. Even when it’s not flattering. Even when it’s not popular. I pray to be authentic about who I am and how I am. Some days that picture is prettier than others. 

Today, quite honestly, was not one of my better days. I knew it when it was happening. I recognized that the things I said and how I said them were not particularly glorifying to God. They weren’t a very good witness. 

I know why it wasn’t a great day. I was tired and cold and a bit overwhelmed at trying to get up to speed after almost a full week out of the office. I was dealing with people that I have little tolerance and even less patience for because they don’t make their kids a priority and accept no responsibility for their situations. I’m not using this as an excuse. Because, quite frankly, there is no excuse. I wasn’t as good or kind or effective or as good an ambassador for Christ as I should have been today. 

So I’m not using those things as an excuse. But I am recognizing and acknowledging that there are things that are triggers for me. And I need to be aware of those triggers so that I can better react to them next time. 

Because there will be a next time. And this not the only day I’ll say that I failed in being a very good ambassador for Christ. Because I’m human. And I’m flawed. And I’m a broken person living in a broken world. 

I could spend the rest of the day and week doing one of three things. 

I could justify how today went by saying that the people I wasn’t very nice to today were hateful and ridiculous and that the things I said and did were justified. And in reality, there’s some truth to that. But I know the line and I know I crossed it. 

I could beat myself up over how I fell short and treat myself with the same disdain and lack of respect with which I treated some of the parents today. 

Or I could give myself some grace. Like I do most days to the parents with whom I work. 

And I can try again tomorrow to do better than today. 

Today was humbling. Because I realized, not for the first time and certainly not for the last, that I am far from perfect. And that’s okay. I’ll never be perfect. But with God’s grace, I will live into who I am and who I am called to be. And through Him I will make beautiful things.