Perspective

As an Enneagram 9, routine is my happy place; but my #1 strength on strength finders is adaptability which means that typically I go with the flow and take things as they come. Those two things seem in conflict but for the most part they aren’t.

Except when they are.

I’ve been hearing rumors for the past couple of months of changes within the court system in some of our rural counties that may change the way that my cases are handled in my county. But they’ve just been rumors that I haven’t been able to find any clarification on, and none of my local people seem to know anything about them.

And then over the past week I’ve heard more detailed rumblings, and this morning in court, I heard things that made the change seem more definite. Still, nobody locally seems to know what is going on and if we are going to be affected and exactly how the whole thing is going to work.

And so my need for routine overcame my strength of adaptability, and I was moderately freaking out.

In the process of my moderate freak out, I was talking to one of the CPS supervisors about the situation, and I was just really complaining. “It sure would be nice if they got input from the people being directly affected,” I said. Followed by, “I just don’t like it when decisions are being made about my life without consulting me, and I have no control over it.”

And as soon as those words came out of my mouth, it was like a lightbulb went off.

I stopped and looked at her. Because it hit her about the same time it hit me.

“This must be just what it feels like for the kids we work with,” I said.

Suddenly everything fell into the proper perspective.

Because at the end of the day, whatever happens with this work situation, I still have my home to go to.

Where my family lives.

Where my pets are.

Which has all my clothes, my books, my things.

I get to sleep in my own bed with my own pillow and shower in my own shower  and dress in my own clothes out of my own closet.

I get to go to my own church on Sunday and see my own friends this week.

Unlike the kids in the court system who too often lose absolutely everything in their lives that gives them comfort and a sense of safety. The kids whose lives are affected by major decisions being made with often very little input from them about it. The kids who the system too often fails to consult about what is going on with their present and their future.

I don’t know what will happen with the court situation. Whether I will be affected or whether I won’t.

What I do know is this: the next time that I make a decision about a child’s life, I will try to be a bit more aware of how it must feel to have decisions made about your life that you may or may not be a part of or even be aware of until it’s done.