In the midst of the mess

It was a difficult day in court. Some days are that way. They are just hard. 

No matter what happens, no matter if the right thing happens, there’s still a downside. 

And when the wrong thing happens, and justice as you see it doesn’t happen the way you think it should, it’s really hard. And discouraging. And disheartening. And you wonder why you even bother trying to do the right thing instead of the easy thing. 

And on those days, you cuss way too much. And you throw printer cartridges that almost hit innocent bystanders in the face. 

And sometimes at the end of those kinds of days, you notice that your Wonder Woman cape is crumpled up on the floor instead of hanging on its hook. Because of course it is, because that’s been the day you’ve had. 

And when the day is over, you try to come up with something to make sense of it all and you have nothing. 

And then your worker sends you a message and says “I hope that in the midst of this situation He speaks to you like He always does, and that you will share a positive message with us. “ 

And you have to tell her “I think there is a positive message in this. But I don’t yet know what it is.” And after you say it, you think man I just lied to her because I don’t know that I see anything positive about this day that was frustrating and confusing and infuriating. 

And then after you stop feeling sorry for yourself, you realize the truth is some days just suck. And sometimes life is not fair. And sometimes people make wrong decisions for wrong reasons and people are hurt because of them. 

Because we live in a world inhabited by humans. And that’s what we humans do. 

But somewhere, somewhere in the midst of all this frustration, all this sadness, and all this anger, is God. 

Maybe it’s not obvious now. 

Maybe it won’t be obvious this side of heaven. 

But somewhere God is in this mess. 

Maybe it’s in the friend who you almost knocked out with the cartridge box picking up your Wonder Woman cape and hanging it back on its hook with care when you just don’t have the spirit to do it yourself. 

Maybe it’s in the selflessness of some of the adults you heard from who realize this is about the kids and what they need rather than the things they want for themselves. 

Maybe it’s in the recognition that even when things don’t go the way you think they should, there is beauty just in showing up. And speaking up. And caring enough to say and do what you think is right regardless of the outcome. 

So for the next few days, I lick my wounds, along with some others. And Monday we show up and we do it again. Because this is what God has called is to do. And it’s not about us. Even when sometimes it feels that way.